Getting Empowered as a Pregnant Sole Proprietor
Image by Alisa O’Donnell and Paris Gramann
It's a fact of life that we cannot be prepared for everything that comes our way. Even in our Google age, head knowledge can't make up for real experience. This point has been driven home for me over the last year as I experienced my first pregnancy. No amount of babysitting or reading and research was truly able to prepare me for the journey of actually growing a baby inside my own body.
According to Forbes about 42 percent of US businesses are owned by women. Whattobecome.com says that 13.6 percent of working-age women in the US are engaged in some sort of entrepreneurship. So running/owning a small business while pregnant is common enough. Navigating it, though, can be a whole different story.
My Life as a Small Business Sole Proprietor
I've been doing freelance writing off and on for 10 years. I've had a few breaks here and there, when whatever main job I held took all my productive energy, but otherwise it's been a background feature of my work life since college.
Several years ago I was all but certain that my husband and I would not be having kids. I was burned out from a thankless corporate job, my anxiety and adrenaline were always maxed out because of the unsafe area where we lived, and we didn't have a solid support network around us. My mental health was absolutely trashed and I was barely taking adequate care of myself. It felt irresponsible for me to have a baby at that point—and what's more, I was afraid to.
When 2020 hit, my whole life was turned on end. I quit my full-time job, moved twice, and ended up in a state I'd never visited with no job and no friends. Although I am very blessed in that, with my husband's salary, I don't have to work, I function better when I have something to put my time and energy into. So, cue the return of freelance work.
My freelance work picked up significantly in the spring of 2022, naturally right after I'd accepted a full-time seasonal job and had two other job offers as well. I'd also reached a much healthier place mentally and emotionally, so my husband and I decided we were ready to have kids. I opted to keep the seasonal job and take on some freelance work so that I would have a source of income after the season ended. This turned out to be a good call, because halfway through the year I found out I was pregnant.
Did I mention that my full-time job was physical labor at my local state park?
If you've never experienced it, let me tell you that first trimester fatigue is a real thing. And it's so much more than needing a quick nap to regain some energy or drinking water to wake you up. It's a deep exhaustion. This fatigue is the kind where you lay down and close your eyes, and the next thing you know, your brain is a little bit awake, but your body is still asleep. You couldn't move even if your house was on fire. So you just go back to sleep and try to wake up again later.
August 2022 was a tough month. But as much as the fatigue sucked, it pushed me to actually prioritize myself for once. I cut back the number of freelance assignments I took; I told my seasonal boss that I needed to cut my hours by nearly half. And I spent a lot more time at home sleeping and resting.
Being pregnant and maintaining a small business/sole proprietorship has required me to reconsider a lot of my life and work expectations and understandings, which has led me to five tips for navigating pregnancy and postpartum life. You can find other lists and tips online, like this LinkedIn newsletter or this article from Entrepreneur.
1. Determine Early The Boundaries You Will Set
My seasonal job ended in mid-October and I was getting my energy back, so I began to increase my freelance workload again. But I still had to be very conscious about maintaining boundaries with work and how much I was willing to take on.
With the workload I generally take on each month, I only have to work a couple hours a day. It's a challenge not to get harsh and ask myself why I'm not taking on more assignments or looking for new clients, why I don't go out and find a part-time job to supplement my income.
It's in these moments that I have to remind myself why I have these boundaries. I got so burned out working a corporate retail job for five years. I didn't have the energy to do anything. I wasn't creating, some days I wasn't eating, and I certainly wasn't happy.
Although I never set out expecting to be a small business of one, what I've discovered over the last couple years of maintaining work boundaries is that even if the assignments aren't always glamorous, even if I'm not jazzed to write every word, even if I get anxious about finding new ideas and the right contacts to interview, this is a job wherein I'm flourishing. I'm growing, I'm learning, and I'm enjoying words again.
And of course I can work comfortably from home while I grow this baby. I can take the time off that I need when baby gets here. And I can ease back into my work once I've got the whole motherhood thing down. Being able to set my own schedule, manage how much work I take on each month, and being able to fit in bits and bursts of writing in-between mommy duties allows me feel like I can be both a mother and part of the workforce and no one gets shafted by it. I get to be there for my baby and still participate in work that I love.
2. Define Early What Success Means to You
I'm really blessed to have a gracious husband. He can't ever understand what it's like to use his body to grow another life. But he knows me and knows my work ethic (and tendency to demand more of myself than is necessary or, sometimes, healthy), and so when I complain about being tired or start to get hard on myself for not doing as much as I did before, he reminds me that I'm creating another life, and that's valuable, worthy, and noble work, even when the only visible progress is the growing baby bump.
His kind words have helped me work on my own internal dialogue to redefine personal success and productivity during this season. Because in addition to any income I bring in, I'm also the primary homemaker. In general, I do the cleaning, the meal planning and shopping, the cooking. When baby comes, I'll be staying at home taking care of her, too. My husband helps when he is home or if I ask him, but there's still a bit of '50s housewife living rent free in my head and sometimes I feel guilty asking him to help at home when he's worked all day.
I'm now finding freedom to embrace that role, though; to choose it and allow it to be part of my “job.” I don't get paid for it, of course, but I can take it into consideration when looking at my productivity and success for the day or week.
Being pregnant has helped me see success a little differently because baby has a lot of needs, even while still in the womb. I have to be more conscious of what I eat, making sure I'm getting enough nutrients for her because if I don't she'll take it right from my own body. Making sure my baby and I are getting what we need is definitely a productive and successful use of my day, even if it feels like making a to-do list and having the first item be “make a to-do list.”
Growing a baby is hard work, don't let anyone tell you differently.
I also want to mention briefly here that, while the perception still exists that pregnant women are less productive and that pregnancy and motherhood is a risk instead of an asset in an employee, research shows that isn't the case. In her book Carry Strong Stephanie Kramer goes into this and so many other relevant pregnancy topics. The research she explores shows that women who work full-time during pregnancy are more likely to return to work, and return sooner, than women who didn't work full-time. Additionally, none of the studies conducted show any decrease in productivity of working, pregnant women. We may make accommodations and adjust things as necessary, but pregnancy is not a workplace liability, regardless of what size company you own or work for.
3. Prioritize Self-Care and Recharging Activities
The unfortunate reality of life in the United States (and some other countries, I'm sure) is that we've reached a point where, although we know it's not good or right, we value productivity and quantifiable success more than we value ourselves and our quality of life. And while we complain about capitalists and bosses and big business being this way (with good reason), a little introspection will probably reveal that a lot of us have internalized this, too.
I'd never tell my friend that working 2-3 hours a day isn't enough; I'd celebrate with her that it's something she loves doing and that it gives her extra income. But when it comes to myself, I get a little snide.
“Really, you worked two hours and now you're going to go read for the rest of the afternoon? Do you really deserve that?”
“Why are you prioritizing that instead of getting in a little more work? You could have taken on another assignment this month if you were more committed to work.”
That could be anything from working on personal writing projects to reading to taking regular walks or working out. The question I constantly ask myself is, why should I prioritize self-care instead of work?
Pregnancy really challenged me in this mindset. Because although I am a completely separate person from my baby, we’re also sharing a space for nine months. And beyond those nine months, I'm still primarily responsible for her well-being.
Research shows that, even in the womb, babies pick up on how mom is feeling and experiencing life. If I'm stressed out and upset, baby will pick up on that. But if I'm prioritizing the things that are good for me and help my mental health, baby will pick up on that, too.
So don't be afraid to cut the work day short (when appropriate) and enjoy some snuggles, a bath, a good book, or a dinner out. Work will always be there, but babyhood won't. Make the most of it now, in whatever ways you need to. And start those habits while you're pregnant so they come more naturally postpartum.
4. Pregnancy is Different for Every Woman, so Her Work Balance Should Be Her Own
Comparison is so tempting and so easy with social media. It's easy to look at one woman's pregnancy journey and think, “man, she's got everything going for her.” And then you can start to wonder why it's not going that way for you. It's so important to remember that every woman experiences pregnancy and motherhood differently. For one woman, working full-time right up until delivery works for her. For another, she may quit her job a month (or more) out. One woman may get back to work within a month of having her baby while another woman realizes she doesn't want to go back to work at all. As women we get conflicting messages about babies and careers, but neither of these are right or wrong decisions. It's a decision each woman must make for herself and for her family.
For me, having some work to do is an important piece of my mental health. It is all about finding the right balance between energy output and conservation. And this is something that extends well beyond pregnancy, I think. Burn out is a real thing, and at its core is an imbalance of energy output and self care. Before, I was absolutely the kind of worker who rarely said no, even when I wanted to. I'd pick up extra shifts, swap with other people, run my butt off every day doing my job and the jobs of other people as well. But it didn't benefit me, either financially or emotionally.
I like to think I'm better now about choosing where I spend my energy. Being self-employed gives me the freedom to choose jobs that I enjoy, jobs that feed back into me. I'm free to choose work that grows and stretches me, that covers topics that interest me, or involves clients who are fun to work with. And as pregnancy exhaustion prepares me for new baby exhaustion, I can see how important it is for me to value my work and the opportunities more than valuing the financial or even networking/career gains.
5. Start Thinking Ahead of Time About The Questions and Challenges You May Encounter
Life comes at us in seasons. Childhood is a season, college or continuing education can be a season, each job you have is a season. Each church you attend, each friend group you're part of, each place you live, can be a season. Right now I'm in a season of growing life. Soon, I'll be in a season of nurturing and raising that life. Each season requires a different mindset and a different definition of success.
I want to be a stay-at-home mom. I also want to keep working. These two desires are guaranteed to conflict throughout the years, especially since this is, in fact, my first rodeo.
At this point, I'm starting to look forward to what my business may look like postpartum. When I talk with friends, I'm quick to say how it should be really easy for me to ease back into work after maternity leave. But the reality is: I don't know how motherhood will hit me.
What do I plan to do if I'm feeling like I can't handle motherhood and the workload I've taken on?
What will I do if I've committed to a job and something comes up with baby that makes it hard or impossible for me to deliver?
Am I willing and able to ask my husband to step in and help when and where he can so that I can balance these two desires?
Am I willing to admit to myself if one of these desires ends up taking prominence over the other?
That last question can be a hard one to wrestle with because, depending on the community you're in, you may get a lot of pressure one way or the other. You may have people around you who have strong (maybe even judgmental) opinions on motherhood and a woman's responsibility to raise her own children. Or you may have people around you who seem to pity you for having to “give up your career/dream/goal” because of a baby.
Without getting way sidetracked with feminism, let me just say that I get it. Most of us are exposed to both of these kinds of people—the ones who think we're throwing something away by not having babies and the ones who think we're throwing something away by having babies. It's so hard to shut those voices out and choose for yourself without being influenced by the people around you. Feminism was supposed to be a movement about the freedom to choose for ourselves instead of being assigned a role based on biology. So embrace the freedom to choose. You're no less of a woman because you choose to stay home with your baby. You're no less of a woman because you choose to pursue your career.
When you identify what is important to you and what values you want to live out and model for your kid(s), you can walk confidently in your decisions. And remember, the beautiful thing about the freedom of choosing is the freedom to change your mind.
Discussing Your Pregnancy
Talking about your pregnancy can be a sensitive subject. If you need to adjust your work schedule pretty early into your pregnancy, and it's affecting your business, you may find that you want to mention it to the affected clients early on so they know to expect some changes over the course of your pregnancy and into the following year. But you may also find that your pregnancy, like mine, doesn't change the way you run your business or your workload. In that situation, you can choose when it feels most appropriate to announce it to your clients.
For me personally, I let my clients know about three months before I anticipated starting maternity leave. I wanted to ensure they had enough time to make additional arrangements if necessary, while also reassuring them that I planned to ease back into work as soon as possible.
Being self-employed can be both a blessing and a curse when it comes to pregnancy and maternity leave. On the one hand, you can take as much time off as you want or need, because you are your own boss. On the other hand, you don't necessarily have a guarantee that you'll get the work back when you're ready to return. The type of business you run can play a big factor in whether your clients can wait for you to return or whether they will need to make other arrangements.
At the end of the day, the biggest consideration is going to be what is right for you, your baby, and your family. Remember, once your baby comes your whole perspective could change. And that's completely OK. The people who respond negatively to your pregnancy and/or maternity leave needs are probably people you're better off without.
6 Tips for Getting Work Done During Pregnancy
The last thing I want to leave you with are six quick, practical tips for getting work done. These were particularly helpful for me during my pregnancy, and if you want more you can check out this list, too.
Set boundaries early: This could look like a boundary with a client (“I need a minimum of five business days to work on each assignment. If you can't give me that you will need to find someone else to do it.”) or this could be a boundary with yourself (“I will pay close attention to my energy level and my mental health. If either are struggling, I will drop X hours or assignments from my workload.”). Growing a life can be exhausting, it's OK to adjust your workload to accommodate for that.
Break up your work into smaller bits: If you are pregnant and feeling exhausted, sick, or otherwise having a rough go, breaking your work up into smaller goals can help you get things accomplished without feeling overwhelmed. During my pregnancy I worked in either time blocks or word count blocks, depending on the client. Usually 30-60 minutes/ 600-800 words. If I felt good and it was going well I could work more if I wanted. If it was a struggle, I'd be free to call it a day.
Take breaks: If you know you need to accomplish two hours of work in one day but it feels overwhelming (and some days it will), take breaks in between work sprints. I would often take care of the work I needed to do for one client then go for a walk before starting on the next client. This helped me shift mental gears for the next client, loosen up my body, and re-energize myself (plus it's good for me and baby).
Be willing to bribe yourself with rewards: Whether it's working out, getting a project done, or finishing chores, the promise of a little treat at the end can help get me up and moving. The treat can be anything: nap, a snack, an episode of the show you're currently watching. We can often get a little high and mighty and look down on ourselves (or others) for relying on this kind of bribery, but there's nothing wrong with knowing how we operate and taking advantage of our psychology. After all, rewards are a good way to develop a habit.
Establish a process for remembering: I realize not everyone is a to-do list person, but establishing a process early for helping yourself remember things is crucial. I make a list of things I want or need to accomplish for each day, but you may have a different technique that works for you. Bottom line, don't rely on your brain to remember everything for you right now. The baby you're growing is commandeering everything right now, including your brain power.
Replace your chair with an exercise ball: This one is a bonus for anyone who works at a desk. As I approached the third trimester I started getting sciatic pain so bad that even tiny, micro-movements were doubling me over in pain. One of the things that helped relieve that turned out to be an exercise ball.
